Needless to say, its definitely interesting the way one's life changes the older you get. Relationships end, paradigms shift...the way you once lived doesn't quite quench your thirst anymore. Questions are even different. No longer are they as self-centered; well maybe this is just me. I'm beginning to question exactly what my purpose is.
I'm beginning to realize that the world is one big renewal. Things get born, destroyed, recycled. At what point does it end? Better yet, at what point is it enough? The daily bombardment of media and propaganda is almost overwhelming. Pink wigs. Eyelid surgeries. The best car. The biggest house. I began to wonder what was more important in my life: truly being happy or being rich? In essence, I don't give a damn about money. Well, in obscenely excessive amounts.
I want to get married and have kids. All of that jazz. But what if that's only what I've been conditioned to want? Is it true that human beings are so far ahead of our primal counterparts that we're the only ones in the animal kingdom that favor and cling to monogamy so dearly? Or, in fact, we're all just a bunch on monkeys?
I've also realized that things are so negative. Its like a big ass cloud, raining on my proverbial parade. Instead of dwelling on the things I hate, there are a great deal of things I like. Candles. Good smelling lotions. Having all the labels on things face out. Pedicures. (Good) kisses. My phone. Chocolate. Cake. Chocolate cake. Pictures of babies smiling.
Spirituality is another thing that is perturbing me. I was brought up in dogma--you will only please God if you're a good girl and go to church. It seems that the sinners get all the perks. So if sin is sin, the people that pick their nose and wipe it on a church pew and the people that have sex with corpses are gonna be in the same hell? There is one thing I wonder of religion (or lack thereof) though and it scares the crap out of me...what if EVERYONE is wrong?