Sunday, April 11, 2010

more rants.

Yayyy! First blog of 2010! Over it.

Now. As I sit here, once again at 4 in the morning, I find myself crying for no apparent reason. I should be freaking ecstatic. I have a boyfriend that treats me like a queen, I have everything that I need (maybe lacking some stuff I want, but erroneous). The problem isn't evident. I'm listening to India.Arie's "Beautiful" and it makes me cry every time. Just listening to her imagery, her soulful lyrics..."The time is right/I'm gonna pack my bags/And take this journey down the road..." DAMNIT THAT'S WHAT I WANNA DO! I desperate yearn to drop out of school, get in my car and drive as far as a tank of gas takes me. I want to go somewhere the sun rays warm my legs through an awning of trees...

I've seen places like this when I was younger. My mom and I always used to visit my deadbeat brother (boo) in prison when I was like, 10. Although the trip was for a less-than-happy reason, I loved the drive. It was to Tallahassee or Pensacola...somewhere. We crossed this beautiful bridge where mansions perched on rocky cliffsides...trees gently stretched their arms to meet over the highway...their foliage a fiery welcoming. I'd give ANYTHING to go back to that place right now. The stress and hustle-and-bustle of every day life is damn near to heavy to bear. I agree with India: "I wanna go to a place where/Time has no consequences oh yeah/The sky opens to my prayers..." I want to be able to lie in the grass, shoes off, making out the realization of shapes of clouds. The warm sun on my neck, the breeze lapping at the hem of my sundress. I don't have to worry about painting my toes, shaving my legs, Nicki Minajes, term papers, the latest healthcare can something so simple and natural such as peace be such a futile and unreachable goal?