Monday, September 26, 2011

Double Weakness

It's not often anymore that classes actually make you discuss issues that are actually relevant in your life, much less than material that actually makes you inquire and seek answers. In my Mass Media class, my teacher made a bold statement--one that even offended me a bit--that Black women are "two steps removed" from the hemogenic culture of America. That is to say, the "normal" American culture consists of middle class White males. Believe it or not, she said, many people think of a Blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy when they're asked to conjure up the image of the average American. This country does not identify with minorities, as far as our paradigms are concerned.

However, that's not even what I'm angry about. Being a Black woman (or a woman of any minority for that matter) used to be a thing of pride and beauty. Women represent the fertility and backbone of humankind; life sprang forth from her loins. The Black woman, strong, full figured and royal, now has been demeaned to being "two steps removed." This means Black women, as a whole, are pretty darn f*cked. The White man is the center of the Universe, the White woman and Black man are fighting for what's rest of the power, while the Black woman is left patting her weave and chasing ball players.

Gracious knows, these reality television shows don't help our cause. People who don't know enough about our culture to make judgements see Basketball Wives, Single Ladies, and Bad Girls Club...what do we expect their mindset to be? Many don't know that underneath the neck rolling, soul-food eating, big butt girl is a woman...desperately (although nonverbally) crying for help. Some Black women are entrepreneurs, wives, mothers, deaconesses, backbones, strongholds, superheroines. Not all are hoodrats and "bad girls."

Somewhere along the way we lost ourselves. Became weak in a world prided on strength and zeal. Our claim to fame became our breasts and thighs, no longer our faith and our minds. All too often White women and Black men claim their syndicated objectification. Most times, Black women don't even get that.

Time out, Basketball Wives.

Friday, September 2, 2011

The Monotony of Monogamy

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. They get married and live happily ever after. As rare as the "ever after" is (1 in 3 marriages end in divorce), the "happily" might be ever rarer. Men have been yelling at televisions, changing oil, and retreating into "man caves" for centuries. Apparently, they have also been circulating the addage that once you get married, the sex stops and all the excitement drains from the relationship. In fact, many men don't deem it as a relationship, but rather an imprisonment. So...why get married?

Many people who choose a long-term relationship do so simply because of the monotony of the damn thing. You wake up to the SAME person everyday, do the SAME rituals for years on end...until the "sameness" becomes absolutely and terrifyingly suffocating. However, some people get married for the same reason. There are those who find comfort in the familiar; they WANT and NEED to know what's going to happen every day. These people are encountering the same crippling fear, but on the opposite end of the spectrum.

Finally, there are the me. I love coming home to a routine: walk in the door, set down my keys, take off my on and so on. However, my ideal marriage where spontaneity is key. Let's go to the movies on a non-date night...let's go to a bar, have a drink, and just TALK. Communication, or lack thereof, ranks pretty high on the list of why marriages don't last. Even my husband putting down his distraction (whatever it may be at the time--I don't know--curing infant ducklings of the flu) and listening to me can be a form of "spontaneousness" in and of itself.

Contrary to what many men may thing, women are simple creatures. Be intimate. Protect and provide for us, despite our dismissal of your chivalry. For God's sake, compliment us without us fishing for it.

Give us a break from the boring.