Well, hot damn, I looked up and matured and I didn't even realize it. Crappy life situations have the capability of making one grow up incredibly fast. For instance, I had an incredibly awful indoor track season because of "extenuating circumstances". When these circumstances were taken care of, it changed my life. I came to the conclusion that some people are completely satisfied with being mediocre...and I am not one of those people. It's funny how I used to tell people I looked up to things just so they'd get off my back; bull that just sounded good. Now...I don't want to just talk...the desire to be a "do-er" is so empowering.
Then again, there are situations that manage to get the best of me. For instance, my attitude is horrible. At first I used to voice my harsh opinion the first chance I got, be it toward a superior or otherwise. Controlling my snide comments was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Trying to deal with your own trite characteristics, once its been brought to your attention, is one of the most difficult things to do. However, I'm still not dealing with it in a healthy way; instead of me voicing my opinion, I emotionally shut down. Okay, and that is the end of Dr. Phil's section in this blog. Talking about feelings gets me depressed. Blah.
I also realized it's incredibly easy to listen to other people's bullshit and let it get to you. A friend of mine recently asked me why didn't I get married to my boyfriend and we'd been together for almost 5 years. This thought festered in my head until it turned into anger and distrust. I gave him an ultimatum: marry me in 6 months or we're over. This was an incredibly idiotic mistake on my part. This turned us against each other and made us not even want to get married. Moral of the story: don't let anybody deal with your bullshit...except you.
to be continued...(I always say that and I never do...)
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